I don't have to tell the world the details of what happened but I won't be in denial as well coz it will just prolong the pain. My beautiful relationship with my recent singular someone for almost 5 years is over. It wasn't because of a fight coz we didn't fight (at all) except admittedly I got mad at him over petty things on month end (lol). He has been a perfect boyfriend, that's why letting him go hurts so bad. But I understand him, he has been really confused about the "us" in our relationship and that he had been praying about it for a while. But he doesn't know how long it will take to feel ready and doesn't want me to wait around. That's fair, so I don't blame him for it.
I am a bit ok now. Not completely coz it has only been three nights ago. But I want to start anew tomorrow so I am writing this to leave the past behind and face a new day. Prayers (much of it), crying (drums full), family support (by letting me be alone in my room and respecting my silence), phone calls from BFF and someone who has recently experienced what I'm going through, a poem "Reason, Season, or Lifetime" and four upbeat songs from You Tube helped me be optimistic and able to handle my emotions much easier.
He is indeed godsend. And so now that he walked away, it is time to move on. But yes, it is difficult. it's heartbreaking. So my mantra is in this song "Someone Like You" by Adele which was sang superbly by Charlie Puth and Emily Luther.
"Someone Like You"
"I had hoped you'd see my face
and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
He said he won't forget me, so I guess I don't have to beg him to not forget me. In fact he said he loves me and will continue to love me (maybe only until he found the girl who will make him feel ready). And that makes this song "Something About Love" by David Archuleta plays in my head...
Something About Love :
"There's somethin' 'bout love that breaks your heart
Woah, oh, oh, oh. It sets you free
There's somethin' 'bout love that tears you up
Woah, oh, oh, oh. You still believe
When the world falls down like rain
It'll bring you to your knees
Somethin' 'bout love that breaks your heart
Woah, oh, oh, oh, But don't give up
There's something 'bout love
Your day will come, The past is gone
So take your time, Live and let live
Hang in for the ride of your life
It's gonna be alright
Hold on tight"
I will hold on tight. Take my time and let live, although I don't know exactly how to carry on without him, as this song "Breaking Again" by my fave duet Charlie Puth and Emily Luther...
Well I'm crying And I'm dying
Cause I really thought that you would be the one
And I tried to stand beside you
But it was over way before it had begun
I like to think it's all ok
And one day you'll come back and stay with me
Come and stay with me
But now you're gone
And I don't know if I can carry on (carry on)
Lately, everyday now
I go to bed and sleep my life away 'till four
Cause I don't know (cause I don't know)
What it feels like (what it feels like)
To not wake up and run a mile right to your door"
The final song captures exactly what I want to tell him. But since it would be better not to communicate while we are both grieving, I know I will have to keep my feelings for awhile. Not if the song will tell him - "Wasn't It Good?" by Tina Arena. Being with him for so long was the best years of my life, planning our dreams, hopes and lives together, having someone to trust with my deepest thoughts and feelings... it was great. I hope he feels the same way!
"Wasn't It Good"
Wouldn't you know it I've lost my courage
Isn't that funny, me lost for words
Not that it really matters, 'cause I know you know
And you would have told me yourself if you could
Remember the first time, we met each other
You were in your world and I was in mine
Breaking down the barriers, we broke all the rules
But wasn't it good, wasn't it fine
While I took for granted, you took your time
Longing for love oh how we tried
It's over now that's understood, but wasn't it good
So long together, two would be lovers
Caring for flowers that just wouldn't grow
And in all of our tomorrows, we'll have yesterday
And wasn't it good, wasn't it fine
While I took for granted, you took your time
Longing for love, oh how we tried
It's over now that's understood
But wasn't it good?"
xxx THE END xxx